The Reasons to Maintain Your True-Self within a Relationship.

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I have decided to make little blog entries on various topics of relationship advice.  Over the course of having provided relationship readings for over fifteen years I have seen so many situations, what works, what does not……and thus my plan is to just give occasional tips here on my blog.

Today’s topic has to do with being true to yourself.  In our desire and eagerness to be loved, and to make relationships work, it is very common and natural to try to “fit” ourselves as closely as we can to match the person of desire.   Sometimes this can be in small things such as, taking an interest in the sports they like, the music they listen to……but it sometimes goes much beyond that.    It is not uncommon to change religions, to shift gears and change personal career plans and goals—-however I think as risky as these changes can be, the ones that take the most toll are when we change our opinions, habits, little pieces of ourselves that make-up our larger unique whole.  “Oh he doesn’t like my laugh, he doesn’t like my tea cup collection, he thinks I am too talkative….”   It may at first seem a small price to change and re-make ourselves, but in the long-run it can come at such an extreme cost.   Eventually it will backfire.

Firstly, when we try to alter ourselves, it means we are not being true to the relationship ( let alone our own selves).   It means that in a way, the relationship is being based on little tiny lies—-that we are falling in love with each other on premises that are not solid, honest, or true.   Eventually the strain of having to go against our inner grain affects the relationship, causes resentments, and can even cause great shock when things unravel and the two people discover they are not at all who they thought each other were.   Sadly, this is a common story of what happens after marriage has been achieved.   The couple tries so hard to mold themselves to each other, and to hold-on for that ultimate goal and achievement of marriage……and then later once it is achieved, and they actually have to live with each other and maintain those facades, it just becomes too much.   I think this is a large contributing factor as to why so many marriages end after only a couple years.   People simply discover that things were not as they seemed.

It is far better to be your own self, little quirks and all.   It may off-put some prospective matches, but at least when you find the right one who truly loves you for who you really are—–then that means you have a true relationship that can last.   Not only will the relationship be solid, honest, and one where you truly know each other……..but you also will not have to operate under the strain of trying to force yourself into a different mold.   It means you are free to love your own self, be strong in your own identity, AND share in a genuine loving relationship free in the knowledge that they love YOU,  and not just some persona that you have created.

As much as we want to be loved and with someone, it is not worth the price of having to lose your own self in the process.

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Creative Projects Feed and Balance our Energy.

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        It always amazes me how peaceful and happy I feel simply from picking up some drawing paper and pencils.   No matter how many things are pressing on my mind, what worries have had me frazzled during the day……once I start drawing, I typically become focused, calm, and even am prone to start humming or singing to myself.    It has something to do with the creative outlet of pent-up energy, as well as some form of shifting of gears that happens in the brain when you take on a pleasurable task.   For some people they find these kind of results and responses when they garden, knit, build, write……anything that diverts negative energy and thinking into positive.   When you create, you are adding something new and positive into the world, so it makes sense why it would feel so good to be the one creating it.

    Anyone who has worked with children can likely testify that there is a special kind of magic found in crayons, construction paper, and pipe cleaners.   Even the most unruly, loud, obstinate children can suddenly become happy and focused when presented with creative busy-work to sink into.   They thrive off of it.   For many children arts and crafts are their favorite activity in school, and smart teachers find ways to incorporate it into other subjects of learning.    This is why it is so important to support the arts in schools,  because for so many children it is the thing that binds it all together, and helps their minds develop.    For myself, all through my education years ( even college), I often would doodle along the sides and corners of my notes.   To some people it may have looked like I was not paying attention, but for me….those little drawings helped to center me, and turn my brain on.   I was far more likely to be focused on the teachers and lessons while I drew that little fairy, then if I was gazing outward with my mind on a completely different planet.

     I often get stuck in a rut of sorts where I long and crave to pick-up some paint brushes, but find myself saying I will have to do it later, there is no time now, I have to be responsible and use my time for practical things etc…..  this is likely something we all do when it comes to restricting the projects and activities we find joy in, but consider to be non-essential when allotting our precious time.   I think this is backwards.   I think taking the time to knit that hat, build that model, bake that cake…..is just what we need to feel whole, balanced, and positive—and thus makes us stronger and better able to handle the more daunting tasks life requires of us.

      Is there something you love to do, but have not done for a long time?  Go pull the box out, dust off your sewing machine, stretch your water-color paper.   You owe it to yourself to feed your soul and energy with something positive.  You also might just beautify the world a little in the process.

 

 

She is Home. She is Mother. ( Happy Mother’s Day!)

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   The first thing we know is our mother.   For nine months she is our entire universe.  Her heart beat, and her voice are the first things that we hear.  Her touch, her smell among the first we learn and recognize.  She is the one who feeds us physically and mentally as we grow.    She is who we seek for comfort, and the one who endures our adolescent protests. She is our first teacher, our first love, and her voice and lessons remain in our heads and hearts our whole lives.  Even grown men will still whimper for her when in pain or fear…… because she is Home.  She is Mother.

 

                 Happy Mother’s Day to all of you beautiful, brave women out there!

The Origins of Beltane/ “May Day”–Fire, Flowers, and Naked People.

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It is the start of May, commonly recognized as, ” May Day”.   Most of us likely just think of the day as a time for school children to put on pageants involving dancing around may poles, and dressing up like flowers….however there is quite the history behind the date and celebration.  Beltane is an ancient Celtic holiday with pagan and wiccan roots.   It was a time to ring in the start of summer with rituals and celebrations meant to encourage growth, fertility, and protection from harm for the crops and herd animals.   It typically was a time to gather, feast, and yes, dance around fires with painted naked bodies.    Through history and various locations, there have been a wide range of rituals and ceremonies to mark the event.    Perhaps the most brow-raising practices were those that involved ritual copulation—tying in with blessing the land with fertility.   Often the “physical” ritual was performed by a man and woman selected to represent the gods, with the man adorned with stag antlers ( The Stag King).

Fire and flowers alike played large roles in Beltane festivities.  Flowers were gathered to bedeck mantles, doors, floors, and even placed around the necks of animals.  Some of the flowers were said to represent fire, which truly was a large focus in the celebrations.  Typically all that naked dancing was done around, and in between large bonfires for which a large variety of practices involving food and animals were also performed.

It is interesting to see how things alter and change over time.   Really, the way most celebrate and think of “May Day” in today’s modern age could be considered a highly diluted, almost  Disney-ized version of the original bawdy, wild celebration.   There are still many who gather to revive old traditions ( as can be seen through a google search that results in many pictures of nude, happy people waving torches ), and to celebrate the special type of rebirth that happens this time of year.

I myself have a fascination with this special day, and its colorful origins and practices.   I have always been drawn to anything that has a hint of fairy and magic to it, and truly this celebration fits that bill.  If anything it provides a fun excuse to invite friends for a fire-lit party in which they can adorn themselves with glitter and wings……though I would not really recommend reviving some of the um, more “intimate” aspects of the ancient traditions.

Wishing all a season of wonderful growth and blessing!

Let Go, and Try Not to Wait for the Pot of Life to Boil.

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    Life can be very scary.   There are so many desires and goals, yet also on the flip-side numerous unknowns and factors that we cannot control.    This results in a lot of stress, and often focusing on things in a way that can become unhealthy.   Be it hoping for a relationship to mend, or to land that great job, get into that school……sometimes there is only so much we can physically do—-and yet still we focus, clench, and watch the phone.    Other things get neglected in the process, and it can become difficult to attend to the other factors, activities, and people in our lives.  In some cases it can become hard to find any joy in anything due to all focus being placed on the one thing desired.

              I guess what I am saying is, sometimes we really just need to accept that we cannot control everything—or make it happen when, and how we want it to.   Sometimes we have to just be able to tell ourselves that we have done everything that we can, and then try to let go and trust the rest of it in the hands of the universe/ God.    Relax, let go, live in the moment and drink in what comes to us, what is around us…..be grateful for what we do have, instead of creating a form of self-torture for that one thing we are reaching for.    

    In so many ways, it is like watching a pot come to a boil.   If we sit and stare, wait, count each tiny little bubble……. the wait and process can be agonizing and seem to take an eternity.   However, when we step away from the stove and focus on, and enjoy other things for a while…..well, then almost like magic we find that pot boiling and ready for what we need.    The same is so true in life.   We have the choice of locking ourselves down into a state of negative focus on a single thing, or allowing ourselves to roll with what comes,  and enjoy what else life has to offer in the mean time.                                  

What Defines a Soulmate? Is There Really Only One?

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A very frequent question that I am asked is, ” Are they my soulmate?”.   In a lot of ways, I often feel that it is not my place to make that determination, because it is such a personal kind of bond.  Additionally, I personally do not believe that we have only a single soulmate out there for us.  I find it hard to believe that the universe, or the powers that be, would be so cruel as to give us only one chance at having that kind of relationship.  Through my years of providing relationship readings I have often seen people lose loved ones they considered to be their “mate”, and then go on to form new, intense, loving bonds that they also felt could be defined as being a soulmate.

Truly?   I think that there are many forms of soulmates.   I do not think it is limited to just a romantic bond, but rather can also be found in special relationships with family, friends, and even beloved pets.   I am sure most everyone has someone in their lives who they just feel a deep heart connection to—-someone who you feel just understands you to your core, and vice versa.   That best friend from grade school, or the grandmother who always seemed to know what was in your mind and heart.   Personally,  without hesitation I could say I feel a soulmate kind of bond with my sister.   She is  “my person”, and I could not imagine a world without her.

Those who have pets also likely know, you may love them all……however there is that special one or two you have in your lifetime who just come to own your heart.   You can develop such a deep, loving bond (almost kind of a psychic connection even) with them that can be hard to describe.   My belief is that there is a special kind of “soulmate” connection that can be formed even with our animal family members.

So many people operate under the stress of the assumption that they only have the one chance.   I have seen heartbreak and great distress from those who believe that they have lost their only hope and opportunity—-literal expression that since they missed the bus, it means they will have no other chance at love in their lives.   This simply is not true.   Please take heart, and know that soulmates are something that grow and form, they are not sitting on a shelf somewhere pre-destined, pre-made, and without the ability to repair,  or create anew if broken or lost.   When our hearts are hurting and yearning it may feel like the end, but really love is an amazing thing.   It can grow in the most unexpected places.

My advice?  Keep your heart, and your mind open.  Try not to burden or restrict yourself with the mindset that there is only one possible match in a sea of millions.  Love can be found in so many places, and in many forms.

The Use of Citrine Gemstones to Boost Your Mood, Heal, and Attract Wealth!

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I have a fascination and love for crystals and stones.  I cannot resist bins of stones at shops —I almost always end-up dipping my hands in like a little kid.   One by one I pick them up, and marvel at the difference in feel, energy, and even temperature that I perceive from them.   For me it is hard to deny that they have genuine energy and properties.

One of my favorite gemstones is citrine.   I have several jewelery items, as well as lose stones/ crystals of this stone, because I love the “cheerful” vibe they provide.   Citrine ranges in shades of gold, yellow, and a yellow-orange….thus contributing to the “sunny” appearance and energy.   It is the one stone that does not need to be cleansed because it does not absorb negative energy.   This to me is a large perk to the stone, because it literally cannot be contaminated by negative influences and exposure.

Citrine is used both as an aide in healing, and is known as ” The Merchant’s Stone” because it is said to attract prosperity and success.   I may not be able to fully confirm if either is true, but  I can say I do wear it when I am sick, or feeling down—and often feel a “perk” of sorts that does seem to help.   I also have a little collection of various stones and crystals in a candle dish on my desk, many of which are citrine.   As odd as it may sound, whenever I remember that they are there, and bring them out…..I seem to see an increase in my personal business.   Now, I cannot confirm that they are the actual cause, but it is interesting that I almost always see that result.   At the very least they provide something cheery in my work space.

The main necklace that I like to wear is cut in what is called a double terminated shape.  It is essentially a mini wand cut with points at each end in order to increase the flow of energy.   It is not exactly a “pretty” necklace because it has just a simple setting, but it is the one I feel the most connection to, and results from.  I actually often just wear this necklace around the house more for purpose than adornment.

For those new to exploring the benefits of using gem stones,  citrine is one I would highly recommend to start with.   I think everyone could use a little extra exposure to positive energy in their lives.

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